No more fun?

So this weekend was a bit of an eye opener for me. We ended up going to a beach and meeting with some friends. This has actually become a tradition for us and it usually consists of a pretty good time and typically a good amount of drinking. Since this is the case we needed to inform our friends that Cindy could not drink this weekend and why. Our friends are a couple who is engaged. They are semi on the same path as us, but not entirely as we found out later. They live in a city and really enjoy their freedom right now. They enjoy going to bars and clubs on weekends. They like the fast paced life I guess you could say.

The first night was no problem. We went out to a pub (non smoking pub) that Cindy had a ginger ale and the rest of us proceeded to throw a couple back and have a good time. Cindy was great she didn’t seem bothered by not drinking at any point. I was very happy to see we could have a life and be pregnant too. Well that is true to a certain degree I found out the next night.

The next night, Saturday, we all headed out to a nice dinner. The dinner was amazing, and so far the night was going well. Cindy and I were really ok with whatever the night had for us as long as it was nonsmoking and really not a “club”. The female of our couple friend seemed to be on the same page. She was happy relaxing at a local pub or calm Irish pub, something where we could hear each other and have a good time. Her male counterpart had a different vision of the night. He wanted to find a place that didn’t have a cover but did have a cover band. He wanted to party, and he had every right to want that. We tried to compromise by going several different places. None of the places we stopped had cover bands. I even suggested paying a cover and just going to a beach bar. It seemed as though nothing would please our friend or make the situation easier. He also didn’t want to be the pain by saying this is what I want. So basically no one was making any decisions.

I would say that we probably wouldn’t go aka (clubbing) anymore even if we were not pregnant. I had a feeling it was the fact that we were limited a small bit, that was really bothering our friend. We no longer have complete freedom, to just go anywhere. A place that allows smoking is no longer a place we can visit. An establishment that has super loud music and a large crowd is not a good thing to bring Cindy into.

So should we just avoid these situations? We have several things like that this summer. I think we may be cancelling plans throughout the summer. I personally would rather not go somewhere if I am going to make someone else’s time less enjoyable.

In the end we ended up at a local pub where I thought we enjoyed the rest of the night. There were still some comments made like “A band would have been fun tonight”, but it all seemed to work out anyway. Cindy said despite not drinking she had a good time. I just wish no one felt like we held them back. I hate being a person who holds anyone back from a good time or an idea.

Something else I realized is that as of lately with a great reduction in social drinking I have become a massive light weight. So the little amount of drinking I did this weekend was felt very much so. I have not been hung-over in a long time, and it is just as crappy as I remember it, but if having a good drunk time is what is was going to take to get our friend back to happy town, then damn it that’s what I was going to do. I know I try to please everyone, and should really just be concerned with myself, but I just can’t do it. Again I think I may just avoid those situations, or clarify ahead of time what kind of expectations our friends might have.

So in conclusion it was a fun weekend , and I don’t think we need to sacrifice our lives completely, I do think we need to be smarter about the situations we put ourselves in, and make sure expectations are agreed to before we commit to a situation.

No more fun? I would say so far still having fun but there are so many more months ahead of us, we will see.

The waiting game

So I apologize I did not follow up yesterday. I have been in the thick of things at work this week. I know it’s a lousy excuse but an excuse none the less.

I explained that Cindy got the blood work done and now we are playing the waiting game. Here is the fun part, even if we get the test back, and shows positive. The doctor still needs her to come in a give an ultra sound. This is starting to become crazy and I fear it will only get worse.

Waiting sucks by the way, if you didn’t already know that. I do my best to keep my mind on other things by focusing on, this blog, my work, my company I have started. This blog doesn’t really help though because I am writing about the situation, which means I need to think about it. I wish I could fast forward time to at least past the first trimester. I mentioned before I am such a worry wart. I am constantly checking to make sure Cindy isn’t eating something bad or doing something that might hurt herself. She is extremely clumsy so it’s necessary to keep an eye on her. However I can’t be annoying about it. I need her to still feel independent, and not like I am watching her every move.

I am to going to lie I have been feeling slightly under the weather the last couple days. This post is going to get cut short. I will be back and running come Monday. I just don’t have the bandwidth today. Maybe at that point the waiting game will have had some light shed on it and I might have some news for you.

Not such a good day.

So excited and motivated I began my project of refinishing a dresser last night. I made sure I took precautions considering I know that paint stripper is wicked stuff. I must not have been careful enough. I wound up with a wicked sore throat, even though I wore a mask. I also could not for the life of me fall asleep because of it. So I was up till who knows when, and just incase it me getting sick and not due to the chemicals I slept in one of our guest rooms away from Cindy. So not only did I not feel good I didn’t get to sleep in my own bed. Let’s just say I am not a happy camper right now.

In other news Cindy is going to get blood work done. I am now officially confused. We went to the doctor who did an ultra sound. They said it was too early and could not see anything, but that the fallopian tube had something that is supposed to be happening. So if they are using a ultra sound to confirm what the is Cindy doing getting blood work done. We have taken three separate home pregnancy tests now; the blood work to me seems like a load of crap. It’s Just another way to get money from us. I guess in some way it is exciting because it’s one more step to having it official.

I really can’t wait till this thing is far enough along that it doesn’t engulf my mind 24/7. I am actually becoming very excited about the nursery. I enjoy projects like that. I have also figured out that if I am doing something to improve the house and I can only do it, it’s a nice break for me. There is no one scrutinizing what I am doing, or asking me to do random not so important things. It’s like my own little time of Zen. I can turn on a radio do my work, and it’s just me and what I am doing. It really works to fold. I get some peace and quiet and my wife gets stuff that she has wanted done forever finally done. This may be a saving grace to both of us. I would suspect that Cindy enjoys the time away from me as well.

Well I am going to get some tea and hope this darn sore throat goes away.

Excitingly uneventful day!

Yup not much happened yesterday. Sorry to disappoint maybe the one person who actually reads this. I mean tons of things happened in the world. My favorite comedian of all time passed away, people are still struggling out west. It does make you sit back and think how lucky I am. I live in an area where not too much happens weather and destruction wise, and well I am still alive and breathing. It makes all those times that you get upset or angry, seem insignificant. I am reading a great book the Toa of Pooh. It’s a semi flakey book, that gets a little to in-depth at times, but the overall concept is a good one to follow. I always seem to be so hot headed at times and forget what’s really important. When I look around and see how much I have, I should be very grateful.

The world keeps moving even though we don’t some times. It has got me thinking again that no one else knows about us being pregnant but us. Honestly according to my statistics, Cindy and I are the only ones who read the blog, so really no one knows. I hope that changes. I have tried registering my blog with several blog indexes. Here is hoping that someone somewhere will read this. Maybe my words are boring and mundane, but maybe someone will find them entertaining or informative.

Well I guess I might have one or two things to talk about. I have been super excited about this whole thing. Cindy says she is but she also has the inability to show emotion. She really hasn’t been excited about this at all. I mean we have gone and bought the books and we ordered a crib, but just no emotion comes out of her. I have asked and she says that she shows it in her own way. I can respect that, but it doesn’t mean I am not going to worry about her anyway. I come from a long line of men who worry excessively. I have a feeling that the more it becomes really and she starts showing it will become more exciting to her. I also think because she can’t keep a secret and hates lying, she is annoyed with the situation right now. Again I can understand that. I still wish there weren’t so many foe pas. I wish once that line turned pink we could scream from the mountains “we are having a baby! now you all know”. I also hope that I am doing my job as “the man” to keep an open line of communication. I really want her to know that she can talk to me, and if I am not enough, she can talk to her cousin and best friend (who is the only one who knows about us). I am trying very hard to keep things in the house as smooth as possible. We, as I suspect most people do, let things slide a lot, not with the little things but the big things. I proposed that Cindy ask for one large thing a week, a dresser painted, a room painted, a shelf built, the deck stained, and so on. One thing a week and it will be my sole responsibility to get that one project done. I believe my first one is to strip a dresser of paint and either repaint or stain it. It’s actually fun for me. I think the reason we allow things to get backed up is because we have so much we want to do we can only focus on everything. I think this way we focus on one thing at a time, and in the end more will actually get accomplished.

In the end hopefully we will be caught up. I mean we have nine months that gives us like 35 more weeks. That’s 35 large projects. I doubt that many will get accomplished but we sure as heck will try.

Too Early!

So Cindy just got home. We have been told she came in a bit earlier then most women do. They did an ultra sound on her, and concluded that she has nothing to view yet, but something to do with a cyst on the ovary tells them that the fertilized egg came out of her left ovary. So basically things look good but no official thumbs up, BOOOOOOOO. I am bummed but I am also inpatient. I guess she will go back in two weeks to get the official thumbs up.

I asked what this means and she informed me that it really does not change anything. The doctor agrees she is probably pregnant but can’t really say so until their protocol is met. I get it, doctors have to watch their asses now a days, but does it really mean you can’t just say, “yes you are pregnant let’s just make sure in two weeks that is going well”. So now begins maybe the longest two weeks of my life. I am a huge worry wart and I think I need official oks even though I know things are probably fine. The next step as my wife informed me is blood work. I guess this is to check for HGC that has already been detected by the home test. Once again we give more money to the doctors, who will tell us nothing more than we already know. Oh well I guess that’s how things are done. Thinking about it now I guess no bad news is good news. I mean we know she is pregnant. We know a fertilized egg came out of an ovary, what we didn’t hear is if anything was abnormal. I can appreciate that! I think I will keep that kind of spirit going.

Well it’s not what I wanted to hear but it is also not what I didn’t want to hear. I guess today really has not change our dynamic at all. What a bummer!

It has reared its ugly head!

So I don’t know exactly if this is normal but I would suspect that it could be. My wife has turned into the dragon lady. There has not been a smiley on her face over this entire past weekend. From doing some research I know that her hormones will be off the chart, especially during the first trimester. I have to however say wow I never thought it could be so bad! I almost miss the good old days of PMS. Now I know what you’re thinking. I am only getting myself into more trouble writing about it. I have a loop hole! Cindy informed me that I could and for better quality should be as honest as I can be in these post. I was told she could not hold that against me. Well we will see after she reads this post.

It takes a toll on the man in these situations. Yes I said it this is tough on the guys too. So shoot me you uptight women out there. Despite the fact that, yes your body is changing, and yes your going through what will be the most traumatic, physical and emotional moment of your life, we still have a ton to deal with as well. I am in no way, and please mark this down, saying that my job is even close to as hard as hers. What I am saying is for the guys, despite an onslaught of comments and nasty remarks we do our best to suppress our anger and rebuttals. We know it’s not really your fault your evil, but it is sometimes impossible to not argue back, and don’t think that the guilt doesn’t sink in right after we give it back to you. We feel awful, it’s a huge crutch that men think unilaterally sometimes, but it usually shows itself in the form of defense when being attacked, we just can’t help it. Just know ladies we do understand, we are just too proud sometimes to shut up.

Moving on, the tiredness has defiantly set in. Cindy is dozing off every day now at about 6 for a half hour or so. I know that pregnant women need more sleep because their uterus is changing shape, cells are dividing. They are producing a new human, enough said. I can’t imagine what kind of toll a baby oven takes on a body. I have learned that those times that they sleep, are the best times in the day. I get a small escape from the dragon lady. I also have sometime for myself, because I know once the beats has arisen its back to the sweat shop. Is it me or when women get moody they also get motivated. Mind you they don’t want to do things but they would sure wish you to do them. This weekend, I was directed to replace all the smoke detectors in my house, hang a 5 foot mirror, and replace our old thermostat with a new digital one. I really don’t mind doing these things. In fact it is nice when I can make improvements to the house. I just think its funny how we put these things off, that is until miss moody kicks in and then it’s off to the races.

Ok so things are not all bad. In fact they are quite amazing. I am still riding this high of becoming a father, and also becoming massively scared that I am going to be a father. I know that in nine months I will be a dad and our lives as we know it are over, no more dinners out, and no more going to the pub. So as a celebration, and maybe a last supper, I decide that we needed a nice dinner out. It’s an amazing restaurant and it’s also extremely expensive. It was actually very nice. The meal was amazing and the time together was very much needed. I am already seeing that we are going to need some breaks now and then from the whirl wind that will be our pregnancy. Times may they be brief, where it’s just us enjoying each other, kind of like when you first meet. Without those times and experiences I think couples would end up going mentally insane.

I do have exciting news. As I am typing this and trying to find all that I wanted too from the weekend, Cindy is at the doctor getting the officially your pregnant test. The drug store test is probably more than accurate. I am also sure doctors use this as an excuse to get more money. However it will be nice to have the official thumbs up from a professional and not a couple of lines on the test. I will let everyone know the verdict once Cindy gets home.

I can’t really think of much more that has happened. So I will leave it there.

making things easy

I was just told that I need to make this blog easier. My beautiful wife pointed out that I post marked the title and because it is June 20, 2008 some people may become confused. That is if any one besides Cindy reads it. So as to honor the wishes of me lady. I will try and come up with creative titles and scrap the dating idea, I guess word press does that for you anyway. Well back to what should be a pointless day of work. Is it me or once you find out your going to be a dad the whole concept consumes you, I really can’t think about much else. Oh well, I need this job, so back to the grind.

June 19, 2008

June 19, 2008

I decide last night that I will no longer wait to write something the next day. If something occurs and I am near my computer, and I usually am, I will post it.

Where we are now would put Cindy at week three or four. Not really sure yet. We have made a doctor app. for next week, where I hope some questions will be answered. I am really starting to see how keeping this a secret is not going to be easy. One of our family members is trying to plan a family trip far away. It would also come during the end of the pregnancy. So how do we skeet around this conversation? I don’t know, and Cindy hates to lie. So do we avoid people for the next two- three months? If only I had Jedi mind control powers. It would make this so much easier. The thing is I don’t care if I tell people now. However I was told that you should not tell people till at least your second trimester, but once we get the real green light from a doctor, would it hurt to reveal our secret? Would it not make life so much easier? There would be no pretend drinking or lying of any kind.

Being that Cindy would be somewhere between week three and four. As things are now not much has really happened yet. Last night however she took a nap. I know, I know, not a big deal. Well not to you, for me this was an exciting sign. See Cindy never sleeps during the day. She gets weird about it. She feels like she has wasted her day if she naps. So in the several years we have been together I have seen her take a nap once or twice, either because of illness or motion sickness drugs (Dramamine). So to see her willingly lay down say “I am tired”, and then pass out was great!! It was also nice that I got to watch a TV show I never get to watch. I also seized the opportunity to take the dogs outside to play. I got to read a book and enjoy a cool summer night.

Cindy also was overly concerned yesterday if I was planning to enjoy a drink after work. I told her I don’t mind calming down on my drinking. She then told me she doesn’t mind if I drink, she just would rather not go out like we use to. Don’t get me wrong we are no party animals, but we have been known to put them back with the best of them, especially me. I still would rather not drink in front of her. I think that’s just rude. That’s like hanging super bowl tickets in front of any man and saying, “NO!!! Not for you.” I have figured out what I will do and she has agreed to this. If I so choose to have a drink. I will do so as much as I can to hide it from her. I will also partake in beverages that I know would not interest her in the least. I followed the rules last night and enjoyed a glass of single malt, Cindy hates Scotch.

We finished our night reading our baby books and going to sleep. Looking forward to today!!

The Very Begining

OK, So I am a bit late getting started on this experiment I would like to do with a blog, but not so late I can’t catch up. On Tuesday 17, 2008 I found out I was going to be a dad! I will explain that in more detail soon enough. I want to use this blog as record of my days through this experience. I am going to be a first time Dad, and I am extremely nervous. I am also a bit younger. Don’t let that fool you we were trying to have this happen. I would divulge my personal information however I want to stay anonymous, for the obvious reason, no one knows yet! So I will do my best to let you into my life and my experience throughout what should be this interesting time that is pregnancy.

So where it began? I guess you could say it started with the conception. Well it was a whole lot easier than expected. My wife and I had discussed going off any contraception, but really didn’t have a full hearted plan on actually “Trying”. Our friends of ours seem as though they have given up their lives and devoted it to the cause: HAVING A BABY!!!! We felt that nature should take its course and if it happens it happens.  We did make an effort to have sex more often but it wasn’t always a scheduled event. I really feel this made for a much more enjoyable sex life. It didn’t feel forced and scheduled or forced sex I think could make the whole experience seem flawed. I mean we had great passionate sex and the result was one that I am hoping is one of joy. I see so many of my friends trying to conceive and, it seems like the passion is slowly being sucked out of their life. Like I said before it seems as though they devote their lives to “The Cause” and not to each other. So in that aspect I am glad how it happened. I just never expected it to happen so soon. It all seems too easy.

My wife, and lets call her Cindy, started noticing things immediately. You have to remember though not all women get the same warning signs then others. Ours actually was a hodge podge of typical and non typical. The typical signs would be moodiness, tiredness, swollen breast, and I am not sure this is typical but my wife’s acne cleared up. I thought that one was interesting. Something not so typical is how our animals started reacting. We have several cats and a couple of dogs. The night after it happened our eldest cat and leader of all animals in the house, jumped up on the bed and laid right on Cindy’s lap. Of course the cat lies with us, but not like this. He is never to be seen at night and he typically curls up next to you, not on you. Cindy just looked at me and said “I bet you we are pregnant”. That was the other weird thing, she knew. She kept saying that it feels different and that she just had the feeling she was.

Look people I don’t really believe in any one organized religion, I don’t really put too much behind fate, but I will say there were some odd things that I can’t explain. Call it god, call it fate, but whatever it was. I think it gave us signs. Our animals all became very calm and cuddly with Cindy. The oddest of all the happenings was at a Subway. We picked up a quick lunch on our way to a party at a Subway. We were all by ourselves. Mind you once again, I am younger than most expecting fathers, and no I don’t look old either, but for some reason the cashier made it a point to say “Happy Father’s Day”. I walked back to the table where my wife was sitting. She knew from my face I was perplexed.  When she inquired, I explained that I just got a happy father’s day. It was father’s day, and it could have been a simple mistake on the girl’s part, but it seemed so perfect that it just couldn’t have been a mistake. We have now coined that girl as the Subway psychic.

I believe that brings me up to the test. We celebrated father’s day with our fathers, the next day. We do so because of personal reasons. Maybe at some point I can divulge my true identity, and give better insight into details. So because it was our make shift father’s day I thought it might be fun to get an early warning pregnancy test. Cindy was many days out from her expected period, but we thought it might make for a good story. She took the test and needless to say it was negative, but for some odd reason I just didn’t believe it. So we let the situation simmer for a day. When we discussed our feelings later, we both had the same wishy washy feeling about the test.

While watching one of our devoted shows, and you may figure out which one, it had a part where a mother who was trying to get pregnant found her test later with a very hint of a second line, and then tested again to make sure. For those of you who are not familiar one line = not pregnant, two lines = pregnant. The whole concept was like it was speaking to me. As I was getting ready to go to the bathroom, I saw the test sticking out of can like Excalibur out of the rock. “Only the true of heart may pull the sword”, echoed in my head. I grabbed it, and yes this is disgusting, but I had to know. I pulled it back out of the wrapper it was stuffed in, and there it was the faintest of lines. A sign that will change my life forever. Even better then that I became maybe one of the first men in history to tell his wife “We are Pregnant”. You would think I might have something clever to say, or be romantic about it.  I did neither; I broke open the bathroom door and just shot a look at my wife.  She saw the test and my face, and I saw her face just glow. I was able to get out “there is a line”. I am so suave sometimes. It didn’t matter, we both embraced each other, and some tears were shed and then the sudden and to the point, holy crap moment hit ‘I am going to be a dad’!

June 18, 2008:

I think right now the surprise is so new and still fresh in our heads. I am just filled with so many questions. How long do we wait till we tell people? How do I keep it a secret? We are both wine lovers and people are going to notice if Cindy is not enjoying her wine. I also decided to limit my alcohol consumption at least around Cindy, that way she does not feel pressured. I however can have a drink and look normal, but how does Cindy fool people?

I am not sure this is what most people do, but we ran right out and bought the books. For those who know the books are a necessity. I say that sarcastically. They all to me say the same thing over and over again, especially ones that are for fathers.  I did find one that was funny as informative, and was a small inspiration for writing this blog. Cindy found several including one that has recipes for mocktail cocktails. I will have to actually provide the name of that book some time, we have already made one from it, and it was very tasty.

That brings me up to date.  So last night was the books and we spent about two hours engulfed in reading them. I have noticed that the moodiness has become already scarily unpredictable. My goal is to write something brief every day up to and maybe after the delivery. It depend how inspired I am. The post will all probably be a bit late and talk about the previous day. So let the games begin!